PSA: From the young married couple with kids

I'm about to tackle something that I think a lot of women (particularly young moms) are afraid to say. Because for us to speak it, means we have to be vulnerable and that can be hard.

I've thought about writing this before. I even sat down at my computer once and started writing it, but my post was not coming from a great place. No matter how I worded it, I sounded a little bitter. And maybe I was because what I'm about to say, can really take a toll on you as a person. So I deleted it. I didn't even save the draft. I just got up and walked away. However, recently, a friend of mine that I've known for a long, long, long time posted a Facebook status about this exact issue. And from that post, other moms and wives were in so much agreement that I realized it wasn't just me. Thank God it's not just me! Because I was beginning to think it was. It's a very relevant topic that just needs to be addressed. So before you continue, please be open minded! Especially if you are a friend to someone that is young, married, and especially those with children.


When Travis and I got married, the floodgates opened with all sorts of advice. Wanted advice and unsolicited. Stuff like "never make divorce an option", "date frequently", "never let the sun set on your anger". But the one thing that nobody ever warned me about is how much my friendships and Travis's friendships would change when we got married. The simple, yet not-so-simple change from dating to engaged to married suddenly meant, to the outside world, that we were unavailable to do anything anymore.


The invites just STOPPED. Cold turkey style.


It definitely didn't get any better when we had kids. A lot of people consider us very young. In fact, that was some of the unsolicited advice we received. "You're too young! Wait until you're __!" We were married at 22 and 24 with a mortgage and a baby on the way only a year later. We had 2 kids by the ages of 27 and 29. And for the record, I wouldn't change a thing.


But people, for the love, we are the same friends. The very same ones that invited you to our wedding. The very same people who love a good New Year's Eve party, ugly sweater Christmas party, birthday party, or heck, just a it's-Friday-night-and-we-are-going-out party. Believe it or not, we would loooooove a night out, kid free, more than once a year. We would love a night in, at your house, where we bring dinner and you do dessert and our kids are welcome. Marriage and children change you. But in the best way possible! Our friendships may look slightly different than they did when we got married. And they should! But we still need those friendships. So ask us! Ask us to dinner. Ask us to a guys/girls only weekend. Ask us on your winter vacation you've planned with a group of friends. Guess what? Our answer may be no! But ask us! Because it very well could be yes.


I bet you thought that was the vulnerable part, right? Well, it kind of was. FULL DISCLOSURE: The last time I have had a girl's-only weekend was my bachelorette party in 2009. Travis has had it a bit easier. Most recently, since Ryan has been born, he has had 3 guys weekends in a matter of months. All bachelor parties or birthday parties and a wedding. I've had a few randomness here and there. Dinner with my future sister-in-law and her girlfriend and a bachelorette party for a really good friend of ours. But a weekend away to rejuvenate and step away from the daily grind of stay-at-home-mommy-life? 6 YEARS people!


Isn't that sad?


Y'all, that's really sad.


It's not because we can't go. It's because the invites just stopped. And why? Please, please don't stop asking us to dinner, to the movies, to your birthday party, to a night out just because! You may often hear the answer no. But please don't stop asking. It's hard to get both kids situated with grandparents. Because now, we are needing to interrupt other people's lives to make it possible for us to attend whatever it is we are being invited to. It's hard on me, especially being a nursing mother where her main source of food is me. It's hard! There are a lot of pieces to this puzzle that we have to put together before we can jump in and say yes.


But this is a season of our life that will be over and gone before you know it. And we don't want to lose the friendships that we have.


So I've said all that to say, please be intentional with your friends. You have no idea the impact it can have. And thank you to those that have stayed intentional with us, and loved us during this season of our lives where the answer isn't always yes but you continue to ask anyways. You have no idea how much that means to us.


Now, go do something intentional with your friend. A text, a phone call, or an invite to lunch. Right. Now.

One final note. It appears there are assumptions being made that I, as well as others in this same position, don't initiate nights out, weekends away, etc. While a valid thought, it's an inaccurate assumption. At least for me. But I won't quit asking, just like I hope those out there asking me won't stop.